{"id":77986,"date":"2025-08-22T02:16:34","date_gmt":"2025-08-22T06:16:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=77986"},"modified":"2025-08-22T02:16:34","modified_gmt":"2025-08-22T06:16:34","slug":"parenting-strategies-are-shifting-as-neuroscience-brings-the-developing-brain-into-clearer-focus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/parenting-strategies-are-shifting-as-neuroscience-brings-the-developing-brain-into-clearer-focus\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting strategies are shifting as neuroscience brings the developing brain into clearer focus"},"content":{"rendered":"

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A friend offhandedly told me recently, \u201cIt\u2019s so easy to get my daughter to behave after her birthday \u2013 there are so many new toys to take away when she\u2019s bad!\u201d<\/p>\n

While there is certainly an appeal to such a powerful parenting hack, the truth is that there\u2019s a pretty big downside to parenting with punishments.<\/p>\n

For about the past two decades, scientists have been discovering more and more about\u00a0the growing brain<\/a>. This exploration of neurobiology has led to\u00a0new types of trauma treatments<\/a>, a\u00a0deeper understanding of the nervous system<\/a>\u00a0and an appreciation of how\u00a0environmental and genetic factors<\/a>\u00a0interact to shape a child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n

As the science has become increasingly actionable, more evidence-based strategies are spilling into parenting and educational programs. Research offers some\u00a0useful guideposts<\/a>\u00a0for how parents and caregivers can change our adult ways to foster healthy child development.<\/p>\n

It turns out that many\u00a0old-school parenting and educational approaches<\/a>\u00a0based on outdated behavioral models are not effective, nor are they best-practice, particularly for the most vulnerable children.<\/p>\n

Why old-school methods fall short<\/strong><\/h4>\n

I don\u2019t come to this view lightly. I\u2019m a\u00a0behavioral scientist<\/a>\u00a0and a professor of public health with degrees in mathematics and biostatistics. When my children were little, I read all the parenting books and applied a somewhat academic strategy to my job of parenting. I firmly endorsed conventional recommendations from authors and pediatricians: I dutifully sent my children to their rooms to think about their choices and dug in my heels to enforce consequences.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until my children reached middle school and high school ages that I began to see what my approach to discipline was costing us.<\/p>\n

Parents and educators have long espoused principles gleaned from experiments by\u00a0the 20th-century researcher B.F. Skinner<\/a>, a behavioral psychologist who studied how rewards and punishments could change the behavior of rats, resulting in the\u00a0classic carrot and stick, reward and discipline strategies<\/a>. Simply put, rats that behaved the way the researchers wanted \u2013 by pressing a lever \u2013 were given a treat, and rats that did not were given a light shock.<\/p>\n

These midcentury, rat-based experiments shaped a parenting approach that caught on in American culture and\u00a0quickly became dogma<\/a>. Generations of parents learned to use rewards such as sticker charts, trinkets or toys, or an extra bedtime story to reinforce the behaviors they hoped to see more of, and to use negative reinforcement such as timeouts and loss of privileges to reduce unwanted behaviors.<\/p>\n

But beginning in the early 2000s, many\u00a0high-profile authors<\/a>\u00a0began to theorize that these strategies were not only ineffective but also potentially harmful.<\/p>\n

The neuroscience of child behavior<\/h4>\n

We all have a built-in nervous system response that prepares us for \u201cfight or flight\u201d when we feel that our safety is threatened. When we sense danger for whatever reason, our heart beats faster, our palms sweat and our focus narrows. In these situations, our\u00a0prefrontal cortex<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 the part of the brain responsible for rational decision-making and reasoning \u2013 is decommissioned while our body prepares to fend off the threat. It\u2019s not until our threat response subsides that we can begin to think more clearly with our prefrontal cortex. This is particularly true for kids.<\/p>\n

Unlike adults who have usually acquired some ability to regulate their nervous system states, a child has both an immature nervous system and an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. A child may hit his friend with a toy truck because he\u2019s unable to manage the scary feelings of being left out of the kickball game. He likely knows better, but in the face of this threat his survival brain responds with a \u201cfight\u201d response, and reasoning shuts down as his prefrontal cortex takes awhile to get \u201cback online<\/a>.\u201d Because he is not yet able to verbalize his needs, caregivers need to interpret those needs by observing the behavior.<\/p>\n

After coregulating with a calm adult \u2013\u00a0essentially syncing up with their nervous system<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 a young child is able to return to a calm state and then process any learning. Efforts to change a child\u2019s behavior in a moment of stress, including by punishments and timeouts, miss an opportunity for developing emotional regulation skills and often prolong the distress.<\/p>\n

The behaviorist models just don\u2019t work very well for children. The growing understanding of children\u2019s developing brains makes clear that punishing a child for a temper tantrum or for \u201cmisbehaving\u201d by grabbing a toy from a classmate makes no more sense than lecturing a man in cardiac arrest about eating less sugar.<\/p>\n

Curiosity is the key to connection<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Scientists and parenting experts have come a long way toward understanding how brain science can inform child-raising.<\/p>\n

While researchers may not all agree on the most effective parenting style, there is general agreement that showing curiosity about kids\u2019 feelings, behaviors, reactions and choices can help to guide parents\u2019 approach during stressful times. Understanding more about why a child didn\u2019t complete their math sheet, or why a toddler threw sand at their cousin, can\u00a0support real learning<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Attuning with our children<\/a>\u00a0by understanding their nervous system responses helps kids feel a sense of safety, which then allows them to absorb feedback. Children who feel this connection and build these skills are much less likely to throw trucks.<\/p>\n

For instance, when your child fusses for candy in the checkout line at the grocery store, instead of taking away the afternoon trip to the park, try this instead:<\/p>\n