{"id":77000,"date":"2025-05-22T00:08:43","date_gmt":"2025-05-22T04:08:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=77000"},"modified":"2025-05-22T00:08:43","modified_gmt":"2025-05-22T04:08:43","slug":"making-eye-contact-and-small-talk-with-strangers-is-more-than-just-being-polite-%e2%88%92-the-social-benefits-of-psychological-generosity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/making-eye-contact-and-small-talk-with-strangers-is-more-than-just-being-polite-%e2%88%92-the-social-benefits-of-psychological-generosity\/","title":{"rendered":"Making eye contact and small talk with strangers is more than just being polite \u2212 the social benefits of psychological generosity"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

How much do you engage with others when you\u2019re out in public? Lots of people don\u2019t actually engage with others much at all. Think of commuters on public transportation staring down at their phones with earbuds firmly in place.<\/p>\n

As a\u00a0professor of social psychology<\/a>, I see similar trends on my university campus, where students often put on their headphones and start checking their phones before leaving the lecture hall on the way to their next class.<\/p>\n

Curating daily experiences in these ways may appeal to your personal interests, but it also limits opportunities for social connection. Humans are\u00a0social beings<\/a>: We desire to\u00a0feel connected<\/a>\u00a0to others, and even connecting with strangers can potentially\u00a0boost our mood<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Though recent technological advances afford\u00a0greater means for connection<\/a>\u00a0than at any other moment in human history, many people still\u00a0feel isolated and disconnected<\/a>. Indeed,\u00a0loneliness<\/a>\u00a0in the American population has\u00a0reached epidemic levels<\/a>, and\u00a0Americans\u2019 trust in each other<\/a>\u00a0has reached a historic low.<\/p>\n

At the same time, our attention is increasingly being\u00a0pulled in varied directions<\/a>\u00a0within a highly saturated information environment, now commonly known as the \u201cattention economy<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

It is perhaps not surprising, then, that so many Americans are experiencing a crisis of social connection. Research in social psychology helps to explain how the small behaviors and choices we make as individuals affect our experiences with others in public settings.<\/p>\n

Where you focus your attention<\/strong><\/h4>\n

One factor shaping people\u2019s experiences in public settings concerns where they focus their attention. Since there is more information out in the world than anyone could ever realistically take in, people are driven to\u00a0conserve their limited mental resources<\/a>\u00a0for those things that seem most crucial to navigating the world successfully. What this means is that every person\u2019s attention is finite and selective: By attending to certain bits of information, you necessarily\u00a0tune out others<\/a>, whether you\u2019re aware of doing so or not.<\/p>\n

More often than not, the information you deem worthy of attention also tends to be self-relevant. That is, people are more likely to engage with information that\u00a0piques their interest<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0relates to them<\/a>\u00a0in some way, whereas they tend to ignore information that seems unrelated or irrelevant to their existence.<\/p>\n

These ingrained tendencies might make logical sense from an\u00a0evolutionary perspective<\/a>, but when applied to everyday social interaction, they suggest that people will\u00a0limit their attention to and regard for other people<\/a>\u00a0unless they see others as somehow connected to them or relevant to their lives.<\/p>\n

One unfortunate consequence is that a person may end up treating interactions with other people as transactions, with a primary focus on getting one\u2019s own needs met, or one\u2019s own questions answered. A very different approach would involve seeing interactions with others as opportunities for social connection; being willing to expend some additional mental energy to listen to others\u2019 experiences and exchange views on topics of shared interest can serve as a\u00a0foundation for building social relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n

How others interpret your actions<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Also, by focusing so much attention on their own individual interests, people may inadvertently signal disinterest to others in their social environments.<\/p>\n

As an example, imagine how it would feel to be on the receiving end of those daily commuting rituals. You find yourself surrounded by people whose ears are closed off, whose eyes are down and whose attention is elsewhere \u2013 and you might start to feel like no one really cares whether you exist or not.<\/p>\n

As social creatures, it\u2019s natural for human beings to\u00a0want to be seen<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0acknowledged<\/a>\u00a0by other people. Small gestures such as eye contact or a smile, even from a stranger,\u00a0can foster feelings of connection<\/a>\u00a0by signaling that our existence matters. Instead, when these signals are absent, a person may come to feel like they don\u2019t matter, or that they\u2019re not worthy of others\u2019 attention.<\/p>\n

How to foster connection in public spaces<\/strong><\/h4>\n

For all these reasons, it may prove valuable to reflect on how you use your limited mental resources, as a way to be more mindful and purposeful about what and who garner your attention. As I encourage my students to do, people can choose to engage in what I refer to as psychological generosity: You can intentionally redirect some of your attention toward the other people around you and expend mental resources beyond what is absolutely necessary to navigate the social world.<\/p>\n

Engaging in psychological generosity doesn\u2019t need to be a heavy lift, nor does it call for any grand gestures. But it will probably take a little more effort beyond the bare minimum it typically takes to get by. In other words, it will likely involve moving from being merely transactional with other people to becoming more relational while navigating interactions with them.<\/p>\n

A few simple examples of psychological generosity might include actions such as:<\/p>\n