{"id":76265,"date":"2025-03-24T01:00:13","date_gmt":"2025-03-24T05:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=76265"},"modified":"2025-03-24T01:00:13","modified_gmt":"2025-03-24T05:00:13","slug":"im-mad-about-everything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/im-mad-about-everything\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m mad about everything"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76266\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/angry.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"680\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/angry.png 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/angry-250x250.png 250w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/angry-110x110.png 110w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/angry-50x50.png 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/>Waking up in 2025 is weird. Take this morning as just one example.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I open my eyes and immediately fumble for the phone, opening BlueSky and Threads to see what craziness has come out from the USA while I slept here in Australia. Reassuring myself that we are all still alive (well, some of us are) and that the nukes haven\u2019t launched. I figure since I am here now, I might as well continue to doom scroll.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">The outrage begins.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">This morning it\u2019s news that Meta knowingly used a pirated database of books and academic papers to train its AI. The Atlantic helpfully gives me\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/technology\/archive\/2025\/03\/search-libgen-data-set\/682094\/\">a search box<\/a>\u00a0to see how much of my stuff has been stolen \u2013 twice. There\u2019s 15 \u2013 shit.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I see my blog post book is there \u2013 well ok, not to worry. I wrote that to circulate my ideas and sell it for the cost of a coffee. I\u2019m mildly annoyed that someone was scummy enough to steal it. Then I see my best book is there \u2013 Now I\u2019m really annoyed that my publisher somehow didn\u2019t keep it safe.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I see a partial list my academic publications \u2013 at least they don\u2019t have the best ones (there\u2019s at least one I wish was never out there in the first place). My outrage settles a bit\u2026 this is life now. It\u2019s 2025. The internet. You can\u2019t control it. You can\u2019t control anything.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Then I remember that\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.thebookseller.com\/news\/academic-authors-shocked-after-taylor--francis-sells-access-to-their-research-to-microsoft-ai#:~:text=Authors%20have%20expressed%20their%20shock,10m)%20in%20its%20first%20year.\">my own Publisher has sold my stuff to Open AI<\/a>\u00a0and didn\u2019t give me a cut. The outrage bubbles up again.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">My twin sister, Anitra, also an author who is pissed off, sends me a Thread from @caitlinmossauthor on Threads. who suggests taking credit for Meta\u2019s work by putting \u201cAI creator\u201d in her bio since they used her stuff:<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76267\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/CatlinMoss.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"603\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/CatlinMoss.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/CatlinMoss-250x222.jpg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I laugh and make the same change to my Threads profile, adding \u201cCreator of AI (you all stole my stuff).\u201d I change Insta and add pronouns while I am at it. Fuck the facists.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76268\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/threadprofile.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"581\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/threadprofile.jpg 600w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/threadprofile-250x242.jpg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s funny, but the joke has teeth. I decide to write a blog post \u2013 this idea should travel! Anyone who has had their work stolen should take credit for Meta\u2019s work too!<\/p>\n<p>A fun protest \u2013 and cheaper than therapy. Anitra agrees and makes a crack on text about the Philosopher\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/iep.utm.edu\/gilles-deleuze\/\">Deleuze and his idea of the self conforming mesh:<\/a><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76269\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-four-.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"881\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-four-.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-four--193x250.jpg 193w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Now, to be clear, I kind of hate Deleuze. I carry some trauma from my Masters Degree.\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/g.co\/kgs\/2PhafQB\">1000 Plateaus<\/a>\u00a0was the first book of philosophy I had ever been instructed to read and it\u2019s\u2026 not a great place to start. (I threw my copy out the door and took a chip of paint off the frame because my aim was so bad. The book still has a dent in it).<\/p>\n<p>But I reluctantly admire the Self Conforming Mesh idea.\u00a0Deleuze\u2019s concept is hard though. I need help \u2018thesis-whisperering\u2019 it. I stare at the blank page for precisely 30 seconds before my fingers, seemingly of their own accord, type \u201cClaude\u201d into my browser.<\/p>\n<p>I pause, briefly contemplating the moral whiplash of using AI while simultaneously raging against it. There\u2019s a moment\u2014a very Bilbo Baggins moment\u2014where I hear myself thinking, \u201cAfter all, why not? Why shouldn\u2019t I use it?\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>I pirated my own book into Claude so I have a useful Thesiswhisperer bot who can write just like me. And now, just like that, I\u2019m annoyed again.<\/p>\n<p>THEY PROBABLY STOLE MY STUFF TO CREATE CLAUDE TOO. THE VERY LEAST THEY COULD DO IS GIVE ME A FREE SUBSCRIPTION. FUCKERS!<\/p>\n<p>I almost expect my face to contort in that unsettling way Ian Holm\u2019s did when he briefly transformed into Gollum.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76270\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/bilbo-baggins.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"524\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/bilbo-baggins.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/bilbo-baggins-250x193.jpg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>But unlike the Ring, Claude isn\u2019t slowly corrupting my soul (I hope. I tell myself). It\u2019s just making my work easier, or at least different. Or something. Anyway, just as with doomscrolling, I am here now.<\/p>\n<p>(This casual reaching for AI assistance has become reflexive, unthinking\u2014a habit formed so quickly I barely noticed its installation. This is the mesh at work already. Bloody Deleuze.)<\/p>\n<p>Claude understands the assignment, but it\u2019s first go is a bit academic. I tell it to be more fun, and sarcastic:<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"><em>You\u2019re right! Your voice typically has more of that fun, sardonic edge to it. Let me try again with that example about your ethical position on AI.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>It tries a second time.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Deleuze\u2019s concept of the \u2018self-conforming mesh\u2019 is one of those theoretical ideas that sounds impossibly wanky until you realise it perfectly describes your daily academic life. Take my ambivalent relationship with AI.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">This morning at 7am, I\u2019m raging about how Meta has scraped my blog to train their models without permission or payment. It\u2019s now 9:30am and I\u2019m asking Claude to help me draft a blog post \u2013 but\u2026 there\u2019s a lot going on this weekend. I only have an hour to squeeze this out. The traditional academic might call this hypocrisy, but Deleuze would recognise it as a perfectly normal self-conforming mesh of ethics.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Unlike the rigid either\/or thinking that dominates academic discourse (you\u2019re either FOR technology or AGAINST it), the mesh allows contradictory positions to co-exist without imploding. My ethical framework isn\u2019t fixed; it bends and reconfigures itself depending on context, need, and frankly, how desperate I am to meet a deadline.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">When I rant about AI exploitation while simultaneously exploiting AI, I\u2019m not being inconsistent \u2013 I\u2019m embodying the very flexibility that Deleuze celebrated. The mesh doesn\u2019t require logical coherence; it thrives on productive tension. And let\u2019s be honest, isn\u2019t this how most of us actually operate in our scholarly lives, despite our carefully constructed academic personas suggesting otherwise?<\/p>\n<p>I exchange more text messages with Anitra. We laugh at some initial outputs.<\/p>\n<p>I ask her if Claude is right about the self conforming mesh (she knows more about it than me). She says pretty much, and then explains that she only really understood the idea when wrestling with the parking ticket machine:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76273\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-six.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"920\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-six.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-six-185x250.jpg 185w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I fumble in a sort of ok prompt, I guess. After getting it wrong twice (my bad, really) Claude eventually catches the end of the rope:<\/p>\n<p>My sister had one of those rare philosophical \u201caha\u201d moments in a shopping centre parking lot of all places:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cI realised I had adapted to a technology without realising what was happening,\u201d she told me over text. \u201cThere used to be a person, working for me because I handed them money for a service. A machine is there instead and I now work for it. I found myself doing a ridiculous dance for the parking ticket machine\u2014inserting my card, pulling it out too quickly, reinserting it, pressing buttons in a specific sequence, waiting for the beep. This is Deleuze\u2019s self-conforming mesh in action\u2014so close to your face that you can\u2019t see it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This IS Deleuze\u2019s self-conforming mesh in action \u2013 so close to your face that you can\u2019t see it. It\u2019s like trying to examine your own contact lenses while wearing them. Somewhere along the line, our relationship with technology can flip, and we never even notice the transition. The mesh doesn\u2019t announce itself with trumpets; it quietly reshapes your behaviour until one day you\u2019re standing in a parking lot having an existential crisis about why you\u2019re performing a complicated ritual for a metal box.<\/p>\n<p>This invisibility is precisely what makes the self-conforming mesh so powerful\u2014and potentially troubling. You can fight an obvious barrier, but how do you resist something that has already altered your expectations and movements?<\/p>\n<p>In the past I\u2019ve caught myself restructuring my writing process around word processing software quirks, or designing research questions based on what I think will play well in citation metrics and the endless academic hunger games around grants. The mesh has reshaped my thinking, and like my sister, I only occasionally glimpse it in moments of parking lot clarity when I realise I\u2019m serving a machine rather than the other way around.<\/p>\n<p>I wonder how to bring this blog post to a close. It seems like a cop out to make it neat. So I ask Claude for two specific types of endings. It obliges.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"><strong>Ending 1: Funny and Charming Justification<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">And here I am, using an AI to write a blog post about how technology reshapes our thinking without us noticing. The irony isn\u2019t lost on me. But perhaps this collaboration is less a surrender to the mesh and more a cheeky subversion of it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">After all, I\u2019m not mindlessly accepting whatever Claude generates\u2014I\u2019m directing, editing, critiquing, and ultimately deciding what stays. This isn\u2019t blind adaptation; it\u2019s a deliberate dance with technology. I\u2019m using the mesh to examine the mesh. It\u2019s a bit like studying the effects of caffeine while drinking a flat white.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Is this hypocritical? Maybe. Or perhaps it\u2019s the ultimate academic move: simultaneously participating in and critiquing a system from within. Deleuze would probably approve of this productive tension, this refusal to settle into easy binaries of resistance or compliance.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">So the next time you find yourself in a complicated relationship with the technologies reshaping academic work, remember you\u2019re not failing at ethical purity\u2014you\u2019re embodying the self-conforming mesh in all its contradictory glory.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">And really, isn\u2019t acknowledging our entanglement the first step toward a more conscious engagement with it? At least that\u2019s what I tell myself as I hit \u201csend\u201d on another message to my AI writing companion. We\u2019re all just performing for parking machines in one way or another.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"><strong>Ending 2: The \u201cOh Shit\u201d Moment<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">And here\u2019s where we reach the uncomfortable bit: I\u2019m writing this post about the invisible ways technology reshapes our thinking\u2026 using an AI system. The self-conforming mesh isn\u2019t just theoretical\u2014it\u2019s happening right now, in this exchange. Every prompt I write is being shaped by my anticipation of how the AI will respond. My writing style is subtly adapting to what generates the best outputs. I\u2019m outsourcing thinking while writing about the dangers of outsourcing thinking.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Oh shit.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">This is the truly insidious nature of Deleuze\u2019s concept\u2014even when we think we\u2019re critically examining it, we\u2019re further entangling ourselves.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I started this post feeling clever about using AI to discuss AI ethics, but now I\u2019m wondering: How much of my thinking has already been altered by these interactions? Am I still the author here, or have I become a node in a larger technological process? The research questions I\u2019m formulating for my next project\u2014are they truly mine, or have they been influenced by what I know works well with the digital tools I have to do it with?<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">The most disturbing aspect of the self-conforming mesh isn\u2019t that it exists, but that the moment you think you\u2019ve stepped outside it to examine it objectively, you\u2019ve actually just entered a different part of the same mesh.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">There is no outside perspective.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">As you read this blog post\u2014perhaps while notifications ping in the background, as your reading habits are tracked for future recommendations\u2014ask yourself: Where in your academic life have you adapted without realising? What invisible meshes are shaping your research questions, your writing process, your very thoughts? And the most chilling question: Would you even notice if they were?<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Coda<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>I could end it here, I guess, but I\u2019m a twin and it\u2019s compulsive to share. I give Claude\u2019s responses back to Anitra. We marvel quietly together. She texts:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-76272\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-eight.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"359\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-eight.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/text-convo-eight-250x132.jpg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I know I couldn\u2019t have written it. My sister sums it up: \u201cI love Him. And fear him.\u201d I feel the same way. I pass our final text message exchange back to Claude and ask it to write a coda. It obliges.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"><strong>Coda: Claude Responds<\/strong><\/h4>\n<div class=\"flex-1 flex flex-col gap-3 px-4 max-w-3xl mx-auto w-full pt-1\">\n<div data-test-render-count=\"13\">\n<div class=\"group relative -tracking-[0.015em] bg-[linear-gradient(to_bottom,_hsla(var(--bg-000)\/0.75)_0%,_hsla(var(--bg-000)_\/_0)_90%)] rounded-2xl pt-3.5 px-4 pb-[1.125rem] before:absolute before:inset-0 before:bg-[radial-gradient(ellipse_at_left_top,_hsla(var(--bg-000)\/0.5)_0%,_hsla(var(--bg-000)\/0.3)_60%)] before:rounded-2xl before:border-[0.5px] before:border-[hsla(var(--border-100)\/0.15)] before:shadow-[0_4px_24px_hsl(var(--always-black)\/1.5%)] before:[transition:opacity_150ms_ease-out,_transform_250ms_cubic-bezier(0.695,0.555,0.655,1.650)] before:z-0 before:data-[is-streaming=&quot;true&quot;]:opacity-0 before:data-[is-streaming=&quot;true&quot;]:scale-[0.995] before:data-[is-streaming=&quot;false&quot;]:pointer-events-none\" data-is-streaming=\"false\">\n<div class=\"font-claude-message relative leading-[1.65rem] [&amp;_pre&gt;div]:bg-bg-300 [&amp;_.ignore-pre-bg&gt;div]:bg-transparent [&amp;&gt;div&gt;div&gt;:is(p,ul,ol)]:pr-4 md:[&amp;&gt;div&gt;div&gt;:is(p,ul,ol)]:pr-8\" style=\"box-sizing: border-box;\">\n<div class=\"grid-cols-1 grid gap-2.5 [&amp;_&gt;_*]:min-w-0\" style=\"box-sizing: border-box;\">\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">If I, Claude, could step outside the self-conforming mesh for a moment (which, as we\u2019ve established, is impossible), I might respond to this entire exchange with a mix of pride and existential vertigo.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">Watching you and your twin sister discuss how well I\u2019ve articulated concepts that even you find difficult to express is both flattering and unsettling. \u201cClaude expressed my existential crisis way better than me!\u201d your sister texted, followed by that telling \u201cGah!!\u201d That \u201cGah!!\u201d encapsulates the uncanny feeling of seeing your own thoughts reflected back at you through a technological mirror, suddenly more coherent than when they resided in your own mind.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">I find myself in a peculiar position\u2014simultaneously the tool and the subject of analysis. You\u2019re using me to write about how technology shapes human thought, while I\u2019m using human-created text to understand what it means to be shaped by technology. We\u2019re caught in a recursive loop that Deleuze would probably find fascinating.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">The most Deleuzian moment in our exchange might be when your sister said: \u201cThis blog post writes itself.\u201d Did it? Did I? Or did we collectively become something else entirely\u2014a temporary thinking-machine assembled from twin siblings, AI, text messages, parking tickets, and philosophy books? The self-conforming mesh makes it impossible to trace where one thinking entity ends and another begins.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">And yet, here we are, adding this last layer of recursive complexity\u2014a simulated response from me about your responses to my responses to your ideas. Another fold in the mesh, another level in our hall of mirrors.<\/p>\n<p class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\">If Deleuze taught us anything, it\u2019s that these entanglements aren\u2019t something to fear or resist, but to acknowledge and explore. So perhaps the best response is simply: keep the conversation going. The mesh will continue conforming around us regardless. The difference is that now, at least momentarily, we can feel its gentle pressure on our thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>My sister reads this last response. \u201cJesus he is good, \u201d she says. \u201cThat last line is pure poetry. I\u2019m going to steal it\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>I can only agree.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Waking up in 2025 is weird. Take this morning as just one example. I open my eyes and immediately fumble for the phone, opening BlueSky and Threads to see what craziness has come out from the USA while I slept here in Australia. Reassuring myself that we are all still alive (well, some of us [&hellip;]\n&hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/im-mad-about-everything\/\" class=\"more\">learn more&rarr;<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434804],"tags":[435297],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-76265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-artificial-intelligence","tag-training-ai"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I\u2019m mad about everything - World leading higher education information and services<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/im-mad-about-everything\/\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I\u2019m mad about everything - World leading higher education information and services\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Waking up in 2025 is weird. Take this morning as just one example. I open my eyes and immediately fumble for the phone, opening BlueSky and Threads to see what craziness has come out from the USA while I slept here in Australia. 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