{"id":75960,"date":"2025-02-21T00:25:36","date_gmt":"2025-02-21T05:25:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=75960"},"modified":"2025-02-21T00:12:02","modified_gmt":"2025-02-21T05:12:02","slug":"boundaries-and-affection-the-best-combination-in-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/boundaries-and-affection-the-best-combination-in-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Boundaries and affection: the best combination in parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\" \"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Aurora grew up in a home of strict rules and absent affection. Her father, Don Augusto, spoke little, but imposed his authority firmly. At the table, no one spoke without his permission, no one left without his authorization, and he decided the punishments.<\/span><\/p>\n

If Aurora spilled a glass of juice, her father’s stern look was enough to freeze her in her chair. “You’re a disaster, you’re useless,” he would say in a harsh voice, without explaining how to avoid such mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Every afternoon, she would retreat into her room alone and silently, hoping not to be noticed. When she got a bad grade, her father would not ask what had happened. He would only order: \u201cMore hours of study, less nonsense or there will be cattle chaff,\u201d pointing to his belt. In their home, there were no hugs or words of encouragement, only rules, punishments and demands.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Aurora had children, she wanted to be a loving and permissive mother. That’s why she often finds it difficult to say no to them. She thinks that in order to avoid being authoritarian and overly demanding, it’s best to let the children discover for themselves how far they can go and what they shouldn’t do.<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet,\u00a0<\/span>recent scientific evidence<\/span><\/a>\u00a0supports the importance of parents setting limits, expressing expectations and creating guidelines to guide the behavior of children and adolescents, as this\u00a0<\/span>helps structure<\/span><\/a>\u00a0their environment and provides them with security about what is or is not acceptable in their conduct.<\/span><\/p>\n

Authority or firmness<\/strong><\/h4>\n

We call the way in which each parent or caregiver establishes limits \u201cauthoritative style.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>Studies<\/span><\/a>\u00a0have shown that these styles materialize in communication and affectivity. We are\u00a0<\/span>\u201cauthoritarian\u201d when<\/span><\/a>\u00a0our messages are aggressive and disqualifying: saying \u201cyour notebook is dirty\u201d is not the same as saying \u201cyou are a pig.\u201d These types of messages, as in Aurora\u2019s story, can have a profound impact on child development.<\/span><\/p>\n

We are \u201cfirm\u201d when our communication is respectful and we explain the reasons behind the rules and inappropriate behavior, encouraging\u00a0<\/span>the internalization of values \u200b\u200band critical thinking<\/span><\/a>\u00a0. For example, if a child hits a classmate, a democratic parent can ask him: \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d, \u201cHow do you think he felt?\u201d, \u201cWhat would happen if your sister had been hit?\u201d Instead of reprimanding him, try to get him to reflect on his action and develop empathy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Boundaries should be aimed at changing behavior thoughtfully and firmly, not at affecting the person themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

Affection and limits<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Contrary to what Aurora, the protagonist of our story, may believe, the truth is that it is not only possible to show affection to children by setting limits, but that setting them is a way of loving them. In addition to being firm, we can be affectionate and make them feel loved, something fundamental for their\u00a0<\/span>emotional development<\/span><\/a>\u00a0.<\/span><\/p>\n

Setting firm rules and enforcing them is compatible with physical contact, a kind tone of voice, emotional validation, and genuine interest in the child’s well-being.\u00a0<\/span>Research<\/span><\/a>\u00a0links this warmth to better social-emotional adjustment, higher self-esteem, and emotional regulation skills in childhood and adolescence.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if a child wants to continue playing on his\u00a0<\/span>tablet<\/span><\/em>\u00a0beyond the allowed time, a parent who combines warmth with limits might say:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know you are having a lot of fun with your game, but we have already agreed that after 30 minutes the\u00a0<\/span>tablet<\/span><\/em>\u00a0is turned off to do another activity. If you want, we can read a story together or play with your blocks for a while before going to sleep. It is important to take care of your rest and respect the agreements.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This approach balances love and structure, allowing the child to understand boundaries without feeling rejected or punished. The father did the following:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. He recognized the child’s feelings.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. He reaffirmed the boundary firmly and calmly.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. He offered an alternative and accompanied.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. He showed affection and confidence.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It is a mistake to think that coldness and lack of emotional expression help us to strengthen our authority. Paternal and maternal warmth encourages a greater willingness to listen, self-control and compliance with rules without\u00a0<\/span>physical punishment<\/span><\/a>\u00a0. It can also be a mistake to think that if we set limits and establish rules we will be authoritarian parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Aurora’s story reflects the reality of many children raised under an authoritarian parenting style, where strict discipline leaves little room for understanding and affection. Without a balance between rules and emotional connection, children can grow up insecure and have difficulty trusting themselves and others.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Author Bio:<\/strong> Martha Rocio Gonzalez Bernal is Dean Faculty of Psychology and Behavioral Sciences at the University of La Sabana<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Aurora grew up in a home of strict rules and absent affection. Her father, Don Augusto, spoke little, but imposed his authority firmly. At the table, no one spoke without his permission, no one left without his authorization, and he decided the punishments. If Aurora spilled a glass of juice, her father’s stern look was […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434229],"tags":[435277],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-75960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-authoritative-style"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBoundaries and affection: the best combination in parenting - World leading higher education information and services<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=75960\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Boundaries and affection: the best combination in parenting - World leading higher education information and services\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Aurora grew up in a home of strict rules and absent affection. 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