{"id":66636,"date":"2023-01-05T14:16:25","date_gmt":"2023-01-05T19:16:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=66636"},"modified":"2023-01-05T14:16:25","modified_gmt":"2023-01-05T19:16:25","slug":"kids-driving-you-crazy-try-these-science-backed-anger-management-tips-for-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/kids-driving-you-crazy-try-these-science-backed-anger-management-tips-for-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Kids driving you crazy? Try these science-backed anger management tips for parents"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-66637\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/kidsdringmecrazy.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"453\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/kidsdringmecrazy.jpeg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/kidsdringmecrazy-250x167.jpeg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re running late for work, your eight-year-old can\u2019t find the homework they were supposed to have put in their school bag last night, your four-year-old objects to the blue t-shirt you\u2019d prepared and wants the other shade of blue, and then you step on a Lego piece that didn\u2019t get packed away when you asked.<\/p>\n<p>Even if you haven\u2019t encountered this exact situation, just thinking about it might raise your hackles. Parenting comes with many emotions. Anger and frustration are not uncommon and may have been\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s10896-022-00379-5\">exacerbated<\/a>\u00a0by the stressors of the COVID-19 pandemic.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s OK for children to see parents experience and manage different emotions. But when getting angry, yelling and shouting are a default response, this can have negative consequences for children (and parents).<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what you can do instead.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>When is anger a problem and what\u2019s at stake?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Anger is a problem when it is too frequent, too intense or when it disrupts your relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Parental hostility has been associated with:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/full\/10.1111\/cdep.12095\">children\u2019s executive functioning<\/a>\u00a0(their ability to think and reason)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0273229711000268\">relational aggression<\/a>\u00a0(aggression toward others)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0165032715000543\">internalising problems<\/a>; and<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0301051118301248\">anxiety<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>One study found children who received harsh verbal discipline were likely to experience\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/full\/10.1111\/cdev.12143\">more symptoms of depression and behavioural problems as adolescents<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>A parent\u2019s propensity to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0272735821001422?casa_token=xximau3MPqwAAAAA:4RT336prdQNIYUV0FoYvsT7IxSjdM3EAROFqrGA-iIJaLSbVQ1cxdXFsxTmbbzkx3D8dbDz3PHE\">react emotionally<\/a>\u00a0can increase the likelihood parents will react more harshly, punish their child excessively, or smack their child.<\/p>\n<p>Extensive research has shown\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/research-shows-its-harmful-to-smack-your-child-so-what-should-parents-do-instead-186739\">smacking<\/a>\u00a0is harmful for children\u2019s development.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Reducing the risk of conflict<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Parenting isn\u2019t easy and doesn\u2019t come with a manual. Many everyday situations can contribute to parents experiencing irritation and anger.<\/p>\n<p>The best way to manage anger is to try to reduce the likelihood these situations will arise.<\/p>\n<p>Parenting programs that focus on positive parenting practices, can improve the lives of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/epdf\/10.1007\/s10578-021-01309-0?sharing_token=85NNTOc3CNC5kn-fajy7i_e4RwlQNchNByi7wbcMAY4Jlx2ius8ljlvrVOy52z-wmj_Wb5N___MA4OIwvlD96BmGxgVoxQ84eVaeLtRuDZuwXugqjjACjFJiNZEINYAPNOHyHwydOkqAjL3TILpXaxOyfO78uGKWeMiMRrW9ids%3D\">children, parents and families<\/a>, decrease\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/fulltext\/2006-03253-002.html\">parent anger<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S1132055915000502\">reduce the risk of maltreatment<\/a>. Many evidence-based parenting programs are available.<\/p>\n<p>Important strategies to reduce the likelihood of problems arising in the first place include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>focusing on the positive<\/li>\n<li>building strong relationships with children<\/li>\n<li>communicating effectively<\/li>\n<li>praising children<\/li>\n<li>teaching children independence skills<\/li>\n<li>putting in place effective family routines<\/li>\n<li>having clear rules and boundaries and backing them up with appropriate consequences.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div id=\"attachment_66638\" style=\"width: 690px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-66638\" class=\"size-full wp-image-66638\" src=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/strongrelationships.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"680\" height=\"453\" srcset=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/strongrelationships.jpg 680w, https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/strongrelationships-250x167.jpg 250w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 680px) 100vw, 680px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-66638\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Building strong relationships with children reduced the risk of problems arising in the first place. Shutterstock<\/p><\/div>\n<h4><strong>Looking after yourself<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>It is much harder to be calm, patient and persistent when parents\u2019 own needs are not met and when parents are stressed or under pressure.<\/p>\n<p>An important aspect of managing emotional reactivity is to look after your own wellbeing.<\/p>\n<p>Take time out for yourself, balance your work and family responsibilities, and talk to your partner or other carers and support people about how you can get some time to yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Strategies based on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S2352250X17300520?casa_token=wCqIPvFo74YAAAAA:JIAi7SddE-zLHxO73vE5420Ch_J15-yz2N08QyNsi5jW-vY37qxAfer2Wg3BeR0ZcqR8hZckpkA\">cognitive behavioural approaches<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 such as relaxation and breathing exercises \u2013 can also be helpful ways to reduce anger.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>OK but I still need help managing my anger in the moment. What now?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>So you\u2019ve done the parenting program, you\u2019re looking after yourself and still you find yourself struggling to tame your anger. That Lego piece really hurt and how many times do you have to ask for things to be packed up anyway?<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes even the best preparation and prevention strategies may not avoid a particular problem, so having a plan for what you can do in that moment is important.<\/p>\n<p>When fury rages inside you, start by taking a few deep breaths. Focusing on relaxing muscles or counting to ten \u2013 anything to slow down your emotional reaction \u2013 can be helpful.<\/p>\n<p>Remind yourself your child hasn\u2019t done this on purpose and that while it\u2019s frustrating, you\u00a0<em>can<\/em>\u00a0stay calm.<\/p>\n<p>What we say to ourselves about a situation and why it happened can also increase our feelings of anger.<\/p>\n<p>Research shows the attributions we make \u2013 meaning the explanations or reasons we have for situations or for our child\u2019s behaviour \u2013 can play an\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/full\/10.1080\/15295192.2016.1184954\">important role<\/a>\u00a0in the way we react emotionally.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if you think your child is deliberately trying to make your life miserable with their t-shirt choices, you are more likely to feel angry.<\/p>\n<p>If, on the other hand, you say to yourself, \u201cThis is important to them and they\u2019re only four,\u201d you are much more likely to stay calm.<\/p>\n<p>Try to catch the negative thoughts that come into your head in those situations that make you feel angry. Replace them with more helpful ones.<\/p>\n<p>For examples, rather than saying \u201cThis is just not fair\u201d you could say \u201cThis is upsetting, but I can deal with it.\u201d It might feel awkward at first, but give it a try.<\/p>\n<p>Anger is a human emotion. It can motivate us to persist in the face of difficulties, can be a way of reducing tension and can act as a signal to deal with a stressor we\u2019re facing.<\/p>\n<p>It can also cause harm to ourselves, our children and our relationships if it is not managed well.<\/p>\n<p>Finding effective ways to positively manage those feelings of annoyance and irritation is important to ensuring positive family relationships.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Author Bio: <\/strong>Alina Morawska is Deputy Director (Research), Parenting and Family Support Centre at The University of Queensland<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re running late for work, your eight-year-old can\u2019t find the homework they were supposed to have put in their school bag last night, your four-year-old objects to the blue t-shirt you\u2019d prepared and wants the other shade of blue, and then you step on a Lego piece that didn\u2019t get packed away when you asked. [&hellip;]\n&hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/kids-driving-you-crazy-try-these-science-backed-anger-management-tips-for-parents\/\" class=\"more\">learn more&rarr;<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434229],"tags":[434230],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-66636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-anger-management"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Kids driving you crazy? 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