{"id":66547,"date":"2022-12-29T14:41:19","date_gmt":"2022-12-29T19:41:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=66547"},"modified":"2022-12-29T14:41:19","modified_gmt":"2022-12-29T19:41:19","slug":"i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

All children argue. And while this can be tedious for parents and carers, it\u2019s not necessarily a problem.<\/p>\n

Conflict can\u00a0help develop social skills<\/a>, including learning to negotiate, and accommodate the needs of others.<\/p>\n

But if the conflict is physical, if there is any distress, or if children are stuck in a loop of unproductive complaints (\u201cno, it\u2019s mine!\u201d), adults can step in to help restore the peace.<\/p>\n

Usually,\u00a0adults intervene<\/a>\u00a0by trying to establish the cause of the problem and then providing a solution. But this type of intervention is not as effective as involving children in the process.<\/p>\n

A chapter in our\u00a0new book<\/a>\u00a0on how to talk with preschool-aged children suggests four steps to help them solve arguments.<\/p>\n

1. Remove the conflict object<\/h4>\n

Preschool-aged children\u00a0mostly argue about objects<\/a>. That is, who can touch, move or play with the object, who was playing with it first, and how the object is supposed to be used.<\/p>\n

Intervention won\u2019t work if children are locked in tug of war over who had the blocks or marbles first. By asking for the object and removing it from any child\u2019s \u201cownership\u201d (perhaps just temporarily), adults can redirect children\u2019s attention to finding a solution. Trying saying something like: \u201cLet\u2019s put the marbles all together in the middle, and talk about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Forget about blame<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Children will be eager and able to explain what happened, who did what to whom, and how they have been offended.<\/p>\n

It can be useful to establish what happened to establish moral accountability (if, for example, one child has ignored another\u2019s reasonable request) or to know more about how each child feels their rights have been infringed. We should acknowledge, rather than ignore the position of each child. Children hold opposing views and alternate accounts \u2013 this is the reason for the conflict in the first place. But we don\u2019t need to evaluate these accounts.<\/p>\n

To move from conflict to cooperation, the focus needs to shift to talking about a solution. For example: \u201cWhat can we do to make this fair?\u201d<\/p>\n

Young children have a strong sense of fairness, and are quick to identify when things are \u201cnot fair\u201d. Encouraging children\u00a0to consider what\u2019s fair<\/a>\u00a0invites solutions that take into account other children\u2019s perspectives.<\/p>\n

3. Ask children for their ideas<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Solutions imposed by adults don\u2019t work well when children are then left to their own devices again.<\/p>\n

Take this example from\u00a0an Australian study<\/a>\u00a0of playground interactions in the first year of school: two five-year-olds complain to a teacher about other children interrupting their play.<\/p>\n

The teacher suggests they explain they were using the area, and to invite the others to join their play rather than take over. This seems sensible advice. But as they walk away, one of the children says to her friend, \u201cyeah, that\u2019s not gonna work\u201d.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to remember that children are expert members of their own peer culture \u2013 they create and navigate relationships and rules with other children. Ask them what might work. Inviting ideas from children supports them to arrive at solutions independently.<\/p>\n

4. Seek consensus and then supervise<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Moving to the next step, you could ask children, \u201cWhat have we decided to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Having asked each child to contribute their ideas means they have buy-in, even if their suggestion does not prevail. Contributing their own ideas means children have invested in the resolution. After brainstorming ideas, ask the children which solution they will choose or they could even \u201cvote\u201d.<\/p>\n

Rather than walking away once children have agreed on a compromise, it\u2019s then a good idea to stay nearby to encourage children to stick to their agreement.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, children are learning<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Modelling solutions, and enacting how to reach a compromise is part of children\u2019s learning about how to be in the world.<\/p>\n

If we just tell kids what to do all the time, it means they don\u2019t learn how to compromise or negotiate with others. In fact,\u00a0some research<\/a>\u00a0has shown educators can disrupt the peacemaking process that children might otherwise\u00a0navigate by themselves<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Parents are knowledgeable about their own children\u2019s lives, but in many ways, children understand their peers better than adults do. Understanding\u00a0how children\u2019s interactions actually work<\/a>, helps us provide more useful advice. So the adult\u2019s role in an argument is not to attribute blame or hand the marbles back to the kid who cries the loudest. Rather it is to help children to recognise the needs of others in finding a fair solution.<\/p>\n

Author Bio:<\/strong> Amelia Church is a Senior Lecturer, Melbourne Graduate School of Education at The University of Melbourne<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All children argue. And while this can be tedious for parents and carers, it\u2019s not necessarily a problem. Conflict can\u00a0help develop social skills, including learning to negotiate, and accommodate the needs of others. But if the conflict is physical, if there is any distress, or if children are stuck in a loop of unproductive complaints […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[95],"tags":[10794],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-66547","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-conflict-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"All children argue. And while this can be tedious for parents and carers, it\u2019s not necessarily a problem. Conflict can\u00a0help develop social skills, including learning to negotiate, and accommodate the needs of others. But if the conflict is physical, if there is any distress, or if children are stuck in a loop of unproductive complaints […]\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"World leading higher education information and services\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kevin\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kevin\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kevin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee\"},\"headline\":\"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":790,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2022\\\/12\\\/fighting.jpeg\",\"keywords\":[\"conflict\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/\",\"name\":\"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2022\\\/12\\\/fighting.jpeg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2022\\\/12\\\/fighting.jpeg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2022\\\/12\\\/fighting.jpeg\",\"width\":680,\"height\":383},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/\",\"name\":\"World leading higher education information and services\",\"description\":\"Global Higher Education Jobs, University jobs, Lecturer & tenure jobs.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee\",\"name\":\"Kevin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g8ba4c352a279c450aa9435d770c1ebf4\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kevin\"},\"description\":\"Kevin is founder of the world.edu project. The past 28 years have been involved in publishing to the education sector in print and the internet. Kevin has a degree in Education and has a many years experience in developing companies and projects.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/world.edu\\\/author\\\/kevin\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services","og_description":"All children argue. And while this can be tedious for parents and carers, it\u2019s not necessarily a problem. Conflict can\u00a0help develop social skills, including learning to negotiate, and accommodate the needs of others. But if the conflict is physical, if there is any distress, or if children are stuck in a loop of unproductive complaints […]","og_url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/","og_site_name":"World leading higher education information and services","article_published_time":"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"Kevin","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kevin","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/"},"author":{"name":"Kevin","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/#\/schema\/person\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee"},"headline":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments","datePublished":"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/"},"wordCount":790,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg","keywords":["conflict"],"articleSection":["Lifestyle"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/","url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/","name":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments - World leading higher education information and services","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg","datePublished":"2022-12-29T19:41:19+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/#\/schema\/person\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/fighting.jpeg","width":680,"height":383},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-had-it-first-4-steps-to-help-children-solve-their-own-arguments\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/world.edu\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"\u2018I had it first!\u2019 4 steps to help children solve their own arguments"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/#website","url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/","name":"World leading higher education information and services","description":"Global Higher Education Jobs, University jobs, Lecturer & tenure jobs.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/world.edu\/#\/schema\/person\/42c1c1d5ff7ffbdf0bd50ed94c6ae6ee","name":"Kevin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g8ba4c352a279c450aa9435d770c1ebf4","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1e8d491a5f9b9bf3db67c9e46abbba7bb06b26b458bd5025c55e0a4b9b60ea8a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kevin"},"description":"Kevin is founder of the world.edu project. The past 28 years have been involved in publishing to the education sector in print and the internet. Kevin has a degree in Education and has a many years experience in developing companies and projects.","sameAs":["https:\/\/world.edu"],"url":"https:\/\/world.edu\/author\/kevin\/"}]}},"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66547","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=66547"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66547\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":66549,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66547\/revisions\/66549"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=66547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=66547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=66547"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/world.edu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=66547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}