{"id":66006,"date":"2022-11-25T01:17:52","date_gmt":"2022-11-25T06:17:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=66006"},"modified":"2022-11-25T01:20:09","modified_gmt":"2022-11-25T06:20:09","slug":"why-do-kids-bully-and-what-can-parents-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/why-do-kids-bully-and-what-can-parents-do-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Why do kids bully? And what can parents do about it?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"
\nBullying is unfortunately a common problem in Australian schools, with surveys suggesting\u00a0one in five<\/a>\u00a0teenagers are bullied.<\/p>\n

While schools are responsible for ensuring a safe environment, parents are likely to be distressed and unsure about what to do if their child is being bullied.<\/p>\n

What exactly is bullying? And how can you help your child if you are concerned?<\/p>\n

What is bullying?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Bullying is not just kids being thoughtless or a bit mean. It is\u00a0not<\/a>\u00a0a single act, a mistake, or a mutual disagreement.<\/p>\n

Bullying is a\u00a0repeated<\/a>\u00a0act of aggression that is intended to cause harm. It can be physical (harming the person or their belongings), verbal (written and spoken words that cause harm), or social (isolating someone, harming their social standing, or sharing private information).<\/p>\n

It is not a \u201cnormal\u201d childhood experience \u2013 it is targeted and has long-lasting and serious effects for the victim.<\/p>\n

These effects include\u00a0reduced engagement<\/a>\u00a0in education and loneliness at school,\u00a0loss of self-esteem<\/a>, psychological distress, depressive symptoms, problems with sleep, suicide and suicidal ideation, non-suicidal self-injury and\u00a0substance abuse<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Bullying can be overt and hidden<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Bullying can be\u00a0overt<\/a>\u00a0with observable actions like kicking or name-calling.<\/p>\n

Or it can be covert, which is more hidden and can include whispering, exclusion, and rumours. While females and males are\u00a0equally likely to have experienced bullying<\/a>\u00a0and are equally likely to bully, males are more likely to engage in overt physical bullying, while females are more likely to engage in covert bullying through social or cyber behaviour.<\/p>\n

A 2019 Mission Australia\u00a0survey found<\/a>\u00a021% of young people aged 15\u201319 reported bullying in the past 12 months. Of those who had been bullied, nearly 80% said the bullying took place at school.<\/p>\n

More than 70% said the bullying was verbal, 61% said it was social, 36.5% said it was cyberbulling and about 20% said it was physical.<\/p>\n

There is less concrete data about younger children\u2019s experiences of bullying. One reason is they tend to\u00a0over-report behaviours<\/a>\u00a0that would not be defined as bullying. For example, a young child may believe they are being bullied if someone does not want to play with them.<\/p>\n

Bullying in this age group can also be viewed by some researchers and educators with less concern as it can be incorrectly labelled as a \u201cnormal<\/a>\u201d part of childhood.<\/p>\n

Why do people bully?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Bullying behaviour is often motivated by a\u00a0desire to meet basic needs<\/a>\u00a0for recognition, attention and approval. It is a misguided attempt to\u00a0increase your popularity<\/a>\u00a0by making other people look small.<\/p>\n

As UK bullying expert Elizabeth Nassem\u00a0notes<\/a>, if children are popular they can
\nachieve respect, influence, admiration and leadership over their peers \u2013 sadly, at the expense of other children.<\/em>
\nAnother reason young people is bully is because they have been mistreated, experienced shame, or\u00a0bullied<\/a>\u00a0themselves by peers, parents, or siblings. They bully others as an attempt to seek\u00a0revenge<\/a>\u00a0and regain a sense of\u00a0self-worth<\/a>.<\/p>\n

There are also systemic reasons why young people bully. Schools that\u00a0don\u2019t adequately supervise students<\/a>, or have\u00a0practices or policies<\/a>\u00a0that exclude young people with diverse needs can contribute to bullying.<\/p>\n

When systems exclude or shame young people, young people within the system are more likely to do the same.<\/p>\n

How can parents help?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Bullying is a complex problem. While the onus should be on schools to fix it, parents can be empowered to support their child if they are the victim of bullying.<\/p>\n

1. Make space for your child to tell you<\/strong><\/p>\n

Children need to talk about their experiences of bullying in order for parents to act. However, research indicates they often don\u2019t speak out, with\u00a0one study<\/a>\u00a0indicating only 53% of children told their teacher and 67% told their parents they were being bullied.<\/p>\n

Young people\u00a0report<\/a>\u00a0they don\u2019t tell because adult responses are often ineffective, insensitive or excessive.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Research suggests young people are unlikely to tell their parents if they have been bullied. Shutterstock<\/p><\/div>\n

They\u00a0also say<\/a>\u00a0they fear looking weak, making the situation worse, and that adult support might undermine their sense of autonomy. In one study,\u00a0children explained<\/a>\u00a0the main reason they wouldn\u2019t report bullying behaviour was because they \u201cdidn\u2019t want to be a little nark\u201d [an informer] and lose the approval of their peers.<\/p>\n

These findings suggest it is important to provide space for your children to talk and to be well equipped to respond when they do.<\/p>\n

Listen to your child carefully, ask them what role they would like you to play in solving the problem. Assure them you will handle the situation sensitively and with a view to protect them from further harm.<\/p>\n

Parents can also praise their children\u2019s\u00a0maturity and strength<\/a>\u00a0when they report bullying and reinforce that it is\u00a0not \u201ctelling-tales\u201d or \u201cweak\u201d<\/a>\u00a0when someone\u2019s safety is at risk.<\/p>\n

2. Approach school<\/strong><\/p>\n

While it can be distressing to hear your child has been bullied, it is important to process these feelings before you act so you can be calm.<\/p>\n

Your first action should be contacting the school to report the bullying. It is\u00a0not advised<\/a>\u00a0to contact the other child\u2019s parents directly. This can escalate the issue, break your relationship with the parent, take away your child\u2019s power, and the other parents may not act \u2013 so it leaves the problem unresolved.<\/p>\n

When you\u00a0contact the school<\/a>, ask for an investigation of the issue and a response timeline. This approach demonstrates that you are open to other perspectives and not seeking to blame anyone. It also indicates you expect an outcome.<\/p>\n

You may also request that your child\u2019s identity is not shared to protect them from further retaliation. If there is no response, follow up until there is a resolution. Don\u2019t promise your child you won\u2019t do something because if your child or another is unsafe, you need to intervene to ensure their safety.<\/p>\n

3. Provide your child with skills<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your child can also be better equipped by teaching them\u00a0emotional and interpersonal skills<\/a>\u00a0to help them navigate instances of bullying.<\/p>\n

These skills include self-regulation, social skills, and problem solving. This can enable your child stay calm and not appear distressed, to be assertive when appropriate, and to consider creative ways of resolving difficult situations.<\/p>\n

You can also teach your child safe, practised, and planned responses they can use in instances of bullying. One example of this is \u201cfogging<\/a>\u201d. This is a technique where the child agrees the bully may or may not be correct but does not get defensive and upset.<\/p>\n

For example, a bully may say \u201cyour shirt is ugly\u201d. A fogging response would be \u201cyou may be right\u201d. With this approach the bully is not getting a reaction to their insult and therefore not meeting their need for attention and control.<\/p>\n

4. Gather a support crew<\/strong><\/p>\n

Help your child identify safe spaces, peers and adults they can turn to for support.<\/p>\n

They need to understand that in the middle of the bullying behaviour, they have people they can depend on who care for them. Bullies try to isolate. Your child needs to know they are not alone, they are loved, and they are supported.<\/p>\n

Author Bio:<\/strong> Mandie Shean is a Lecturer, School of Education at Edith Cowan University<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bullying is unfortunately a common problem in Australian schools, with surveys suggesting\u00a0one in five\u00a0teenagers are bullied. While schools are responsible for ensuring a safe environment, parents are likely to be distressed and unsure about what to do if their child is being bullied. What exactly is bullying? And how can you help your child if […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[95],"tags":[9029],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-66006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-bullying"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy do kids bully? 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