{"id":64680,"date":"2022-09-07T00:43:55","date_gmt":"2022-09-07T04:43:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=64680"},"modified":"2022-09-07T00:43:55","modified_gmt":"2022-09-07T04:43:55","slug":"why-are-we-all-so-tired","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/why-are-we-all-so-tired\/","title":{"rendered":"Why are we all so tired?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

A little content warning first: I talk about depression and anxiety in this post. If that\u2019s not for you today, click away friend. I\u2019ll see you another time.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

I have been trying to work out how to write this without sounding like a privileged white lady, but I can\u2019t, so I\u2019ll just say it:<\/span><\/p>\n

I am very tired.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I don\u2019t just mean in the physical sense, although it\u2019s true I am not always getting enough sleep. I\u2019m talking about a weariness deep in the soul. A tiredness that puts you off going out about, doing things in the evenings after work. A tiredness that feels like this:<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a tiredness that gets in the way of creativity, making it hard to write or start new projects. I still take joy in things and laugh a lot, but I just feel \u2026 weary. I often go to bed at 6pm on the assumption that more sleep will fix it, but it doesn\u2019t seem to make a difference.<\/span><\/p>\n

This tiredness is weird. It doesn\u2019t feel like depressed-tired, but I checked in with my doctor just to be sure. Surprisingly, after we went through a few checklists, it seemed my mental health was better than it\u2019s been for years. My doctor even talked me through the process of coming off anti-anxiety meds and I decided to give it a try. With medical help, I came off them without any problems: the tiredness stayed, but the anxiety did not return. (This is not to say that coming off anxiety meds was ever a goal. I felt no shame about taking medication \u2013 I was happy to be on them forever and I\u2019ll go back on them in a heartbeat if I need to).<\/span><\/p>\n

This tiredness feels different to depressed-tired. It seems to be contagious tiredness if you know what I mean. Everyone else seems very tired too. I first noticed this mass tiredness amongst our PhD student cohort. People treated our online workshops as a lifeline during the pandemic \u2013 engagement increased 400% in 2020. It dropped back to normal in 2021, but then people started just\u2026 not showing up.<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s always a gap between sign-ups and show-ups to events. We call the difference between clicking \u2018yes\u2019 on a sign-up sheet to actually turning up to a workshop the \u2018conversion rate\u2019. You are doing well as an event organiser if you have a 50% conversion rate. Our conversion rate went up to 70% during the pandemic but dropped back to 50% in 2021. So far, so normal. But this year it dropped further; to 30% and sometimes even lower.<\/span><\/p>\n

I started to get worried, so I checked in with other researcher developer units in Australia, and around the world. Everyone told me the same story: PhD students have just stopped turning up to professional development, even to face-to-face events where food was on offer (normally a reliable draw card). We all had theories about the disappearing PhD students: lockdown fatigue, lack of motivation, social disconnection, lack of hope\u2026 I get emails from students all over the world, which seemed to confirm all these theories, especially the last one. The academic job market before the pandemic was tough, but the one emerging on the other side seemed even worse. Even more uncertain, low paid and precarious.<\/span><\/p>\n

Given this reality, professional development aimed at helping people succeed in the academic workplace might seem just a little \u2026 pointless? And even if you still see the value in attending (I hope you do), finding time is probably harder. Even though people don\u2019t like to talk about it, lack of money is a serious problem for most PhD students at all times. But the pandemic made the situation worse. The PhD stipend, always dipping above and below the poverty line, got hit hard by inflation at the start of the year. People had to work more \u2013 much more \u2013 just to make ends meet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Added to that is the ongoing pandemic, with its own cloud of constant anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n

The more I thought about the conversion rate problem, the more I got in touch with my own internal tiredness. If PhD students were feeling the way I was, it was no wonder the conversion rate was in the toilet. The source of my tiredness is \u2026 everything\u2026 and yet nothing in particular. The tiredness is simply THERE.<\/span><\/p>\n

I decided to check out my idea on Twitter. I shared my tiredness and invited responses by reply or DM. I got so many replies; too many to share them all here. Every reply affirmed my feelings and also demonstrated a strange reluctance to talk about it. Many replied in private, telling me they were worried about admitting to the tiredness against a backdrop of layoffs and redundancies. PhD students were reluctant to tell their supervisor how the tiredness was affecting their work and just carried loads of guilt.<\/span><\/p>\n

I started to wonder if I was falling into the trap of treating a systemic problem as an individual one. We humans are herd animals: feelings spread. The tiredness might be the smoke from the factory of mass anxiety. Certainly, there are so many systemic explanations when you start looking for them.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first, most obvious place to look is the lingering effects of lockdown. People have written about<\/span>\u00a0\u2018re-entry\u2019 trauma<\/span><\/a>: the difficulty just dealing with people again, after only experiencing them two-dimensionally for several years. There\u2019s something in this: our workplaces have certainly changed. One of the things I used to most enjoy about academia was the social side of things: meetings, symposiums, workshops; chances to get your nerd on with like-minded others. These opportunities are still absent for the most part. It seems only the boring, administrative socialising of committee work is left. It hardly needs to be said that this kind of socialising is not energising.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you think about it, our whole environment is different now: it\u2019s not just #WFH, our socialising is still largely online and most of these spaces are not healthy. Doomscrolling is the verb of the 20s. Social media is designed to deliver\u00a0<\/span>what Tim Miller calls \u2018Outrage juice\u2019<\/span><\/a>\u00a0in carefully measured doses: just enough to keep you scrolling, even as you hate it. Social media is our window on the world and it\u2019s not great out there right now.<\/span><\/p>\n

Existential dread is tiring, and there\u2019s more than enough of that to go around. The climate crisis is clearly accelerating and it\u2019s coupled with civil unrest in many places, which is scary. At the start of the pandemic, we used to jokingly talk about \u2018the before times\u2019, ironically pretending we were in a dystopian fiction novel. Now we\u2019ve accepted we are actually\u00a0<\/span>living<\/span><\/em>\u00a0in a dystopian fiction novel. \u2018The before times\u2019 is a figure of speech we use routinely to talk about anything: from the state of US politics to how shit Qantas baggage service seems to be now.<\/span><\/p>\n

And there\u2019s a certain amount of survivor guilt in just being a university professor. I\u2019m not here to complain about my job (I love it, even when it pisses me off), but there\u2019s no doubt the structure of work in our profession is profoundly fucked. The boomers are finally retiring, which means most of us Gen Xers and Millenials now on tenure have directly experienced this precarious job market. Here\u2019s the thing no one tells you: if you come up through a \u2018gig economy\u2019, the feeling of precariousness never leaves you. Part of the reason I work so hard (no small contributor to my mental health issues), is the feeling that all THIS (gestures wildly around my book-lined office) can all disappear in a heartbeat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Guilt of any sort is tiring, but I\u2019ve recently learned about \u2018Moral Injury\u2019 from one of our 3MT participants, Victoria Thomas, and I think this might be part of the tiredness too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Moral injury is the effect on your mental health of doing something against your values, within a system that doesn\u2019t seem to care about the wrongs that are being done in its name. Unsurprisingly, moral injury was\u00a0<\/span>first noticed in soldiers who had terrible experiences on the battlefield<\/span><\/a>. Victoria is working on a diagnostic tool that broadens the definition of moral injury from soldiers to frontline health workers and police. These people have struggled through the pandemic having to make impossible decisions at work, sometimes about who will live and who will die.<\/span><\/p>\n

Look, I might be drawing a long bow here, but it seems to me there\u2019s a certain amount of moral injury being perpetuated every day in our university workplaces because of the false scarcity that is imposed by neo-liberal economic policies. I don\u2019t blame \u2018management\u2019 \u2013 they are more exposed to moral injury than the rest of us. I blame the government which doesn\u2019t fund it properly and sets the rules to make it worse. I am watching the new government closely: there are signs of change, but not heaps. I still feel like universities are a low priority for our leaders, which is really demotivating.<\/span><\/p>\n

In summary, as one of the hosts of one of my favourite podcasts,\u00a0<\/span>Maintenance Phase<\/span><\/a>, put it: \u201cWe live in a world where we are complicit with a lot of awful shit\u2026 it\u2019s no wonder a lot of us carry around a lot of fucking anxiety\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

Preach.<\/span><\/p>\n

So in conclusion: everything is making us tired and it\u2019s not going to lift easily. The solutions to this collective tiredness require collective action of all kinds and that feels exhausting too. But, you don\u2019t come to Thesiswhisperer to dwell in negativity. I want to finish on some kind of positive note, but honestly, it\u2019s hard. I can only encourage you to find out what helps makes the tiredness lift \u2013 even temporarily. Here\u2019s what helps me:<\/span><\/p>\n

Telling the tiredness to fuck off<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check-in with a medical professional and also make sure you are sleeping ok, but if you are feeling soul tired, like me, it might help to recognise this is more of a feeling than a fact. If the tiredness is systemic, it is with you but doesn\u2019t have to belong\u00a0<\/span>to<\/span><\/em>\u00a0you. Thinking about and writing this post was really helpful for me. I had to overcome a wave of tiredness to even start, but I consciously told the tiredness to fuck off and it worked, at least for a little while.<\/span><\/p>\n

Getting in touch with creativity<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy \u2013 oh so easy \u2013 to put that creative work, but it\u2019s what nourishes and sustains us. When I feel tired at even the idea of writing, I try taking the pressure off myself to finish something or do it well. I just try doing it for its own sake. I\u2019m always surprised where I end up (for example, I can\u2019t believe I have nearly finished this post!). The other way to approach getting more creativity in your life is to look for collaborative projects: I love doing podcasts and books with other people. Their energy lifts me up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dialing back the social media<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ironically, for a person who made their name on social media, I find spending too much time there really draining. It\u2019s no secret that big tech companies design apps to be addictive. I now think of myself as a conscientious Facebook objector\u2026 I\u2019m still there, but I never\u00a0<\/span>go<\/span><\/em>\u00a0there. Less exposure to the outrage juice is helpful.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking action\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I find I can alleviate the existential dread of climate change by doing something positive about it. I work with the Greens, door-knocking and volunteering time to help run the party. Other people I know go and plant trees or volunteer time at shelters. Being around others with a common sense of positive purpose can really help: you come home feeling actually tired, not soul tired.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joining the union<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Look, I feel conflicted about our union, the NTEU. I quit in disgust in 2020 over<\/span>\u00a0the national job protection framework<\/span><\/a>\u00a0which I thought was, as Thesiswhisperer Jnr would put it:\u00a0<\/span>borked<\/span><\/a>. But sitting out didn\u2019t make me feel better. So I re-joined and volunteered to join the enterprise bargaining round. I don\u2019t have as much time to dedicate to this as I\u2019d like to, but maybe there\u2019s slightly less exposure to moral injury.<\/span><\/p>\n

Would love to hear more of your strategies \u2013 when I\u2019m on the socials it\u2019s almost always Twitter: @thesiswhisperer<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A little content warning first: I talk about depression and anxiety in this post. If that\u2019s not for you today, click away friend. I\u2019ll see you another time. I have been trying to work out how to write this without sounding like a privileged white lady, but I can\u2019t, so I\u2019ll just say it: I […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[430360],"coauthors":[11733],"class_list":["post-64680","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-higher-education","tag-weariness"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy are we all so tired? - World leading higher education information and services<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/world.edu\/why-are-we-all-so-tired\/\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why are we all so tired? - World leading higher education information and services\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A little content warning first: I talk about depression and anxiety in this post. 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