{"id":51103,"date":"2020-02-18T00:00:53","date_gmt":"2020-02-18T08:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/world.edu\/?p=51103"},"modified":"2020-02-17T16:06:18","modified_gmt":"2020-02-18T00:06:18","slug":"what-harm-can-it-do-the-emotional-cost-of-asking-for-something-in-academia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/what-harm-can-it-do-the-emotional-cost-of-asking-for-something-in-academia\/","title":{"rendered":"What harm can it do? The emotional cost of asking for something in academia"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

In academia, people tell you all the time to just go ahead and ask for what you need. \u2018What harm can it do?\u2019, they ask. Or, being a woman, they say, \u201cThink what a man would do and do that\u201d, as though it\u2019s literally that easy.<\/p>\n

Of course, it should be that easy, but we all know that it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s well understood that women are socialised to\u00a0undervalue our authority<\/a>, to put other people\u2019s needs ahead of our own, to think we are not worth what we are actually worth, to not want to be a bother, a burden, or to annoy people by asking. And we all know we should just be our feminist hero selves and get over it, as studies repeatedly show\u00a0how embedded sexism is in the academy<\/a>. Sometimes, though, there\u2019s more going on than just\u00a0gender socialisation<\/a>.<\/p>\n

A recent experience of mine demonstrated how many layers there are to a simple \u2018ask for what you need\u2019 instance, and how much more there is to overcome than what society has already told you. For me, I realised how much my own emotional baggage shaped my fears, and how very realistic fears generated by the deliberate precarity of the academic workplace make it genuinely hard to ask for what we need.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am an Assistant Professor on the tenure track at a private university in the United States. I\u2019m Australian, and I\u2019m also odd in that I\u2019m a historian in a health-related discipline. I\u2019ve spent four years trying to make my mark in a culture I don\u2019t entirely understand, and that\u2019s meant a lot of negotiating about outcomes, teaching, expectations, and salary. Plus, it\u2019s a new position that we\u2019ve been making up as we go. So, it can be hard to ask for what I need in this environment.<\/p>\n

Recently, I was awarded a large grant \u2013 well, it was large by historian standards. The way it was going to be applied to my work effort was shaped by how large science-type grants are applied, and it was difficult to explain how that wouldn\u2019t work for me. After some back and forth, I was able to negotiate a stop-gap arrangement that I appreciated, but it still meant more work for me later on. Every time I thought about it, it had this sting of unfairness, like looking back at a bad break-up where you didn\u2019t say what you really meant. But there were a number of factors that stopped me from raising the issue again.<\/p>\n

First, there is the reality that my tenure line is in a school that attributes workload in a particular way and expects particular types of research outcomes. Yet, I am not a clinicial and I don\u2019t do that kind of research. I felt frustrated at having to explain that again. I worried that I could never make this role work, that I was a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. This one little negotiation revealed a whole underlying sea of stress that I was carrying about my work and life here.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s where the personal emotional baggage kicked in. Over and over, I could hear my mother\u2019s voice in my head telling me that I had no right to ask for any special consideration, that I was not entitled to any needs of my own. Of course, I wasn\u2019t having to just defend myself from the voices in my head, but I was also projecting those voices outward. Having to justify and explain my work to my manager \u2013 a woman and a scientist \u2013 was acting like a childhood trauma trigger.<\/p>\n

Once I had that realisation, I wanted to change things quickly. I understood how the reality of the academic workplace was adding to my genuine fears, and not just the triggered ones. My application for tenure is currently in the pipeline and I know that, in a few months, I may be in a position to renegotiate my whole working arrangement. This fact hung over my head like a\u00a0Sword of Damocles<\/a>. Should I leave things how they are for a few months, or should I persist with this particular problem now and possibly annoy people and put my tenure application in jeopardy? Many of my colleagues are in the situation of holding their breath until tenure, not wanting to say what they really think until they\u2019re over that hurdle. That is a deliberate feature of academic structures. It\u2019s designed to keep you on the wheel of research production, not causing trouble or asking too many questions. To interfere with that takes more than just feminist bootstraps. It\u2019s to literally put your livelihood, your whole career, on the line.<\/p>\n

But I decided to do something anyway. I made some strategic phone calls to make sure that what I wanted wasn\u2019t unreasonable and I got a lot of support. Then I decided to talk to the Dean of the School. That conversation took all of five minutes. She recognised my problem immediately and agreed that what I needed wasn\u2019t unreasonable. She said she would take care of it. Problem solved.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t explain the relief I felt. The size of the relief again signaled to me the size of the stress I\u2019d been carrying. Since the issue has resolved, I\u2019ve felt a million times lighter. I love my job and my workplace again. I\u2019ve been incredibly productive in my writing and feel inspired to keep applying for more grants. I feel positive about my future.<\/p>\n

I realised that no-one was looking to fire me, that no-one thought I was a troublemaker. It was encouraging to feel that people wanted me to succeed, because my success is their success. And this resolution didn\u2019t take a lot. I wasn\u2019t asking for more money, just a small reallocation of my workload.<\/p>\n

It took a lot for me to get to that space where I felt I could ask. If our workplaces were more collegial and less adversarial, I would have gotten to that space quicker. If I didn\u2019t carry a lot of past trauma or had been socialised a different way, I would have got there quicker again. But I finally did get there, in my own time and in my own way.<\/p>\n

So it\u2019s not really that helpful to just tell women to do what a man would do. It\u2019s more helpful to acknowledge the emotional labour that goes into being an academic, and to make people feel that they\u2019re safe and valued. It\u2019s more helpful to acknowledge the very real structural issues that keep people quiet. And it\u2019s also helpful to have structures in place that support truly interdisciplinary work, and not continue to force square pegs into round holes.<\/p>\n

Author Bio:<\/strong> Kylie Smith is Assistant Professor and the Andrew W. Mellon Faculty Fellow for Nursing and the Humanities in the Nell Hodgson Woodruff School of Nursing at Emory University in Atlanta<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In academia, people tell you all the time to just go ahead and ask for what you need. \u2018What harm can it do?\u2019, they ask. Or, being a woman, they say, \u201cThink what a man would do and do that\u201d, as though it\u2019s literally that easy. Of course, it should be that easy, but we […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":51104,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15645,29],"tags":[350714],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-51103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-higher-education","tag-feminist-bootstraps"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat harm can it do? 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