{"id":50004,"date":"2019-11-04T11:14:35","date_gmt":"2019-11-04T19:14:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/world.edu\/?p=50004"},"modified":"2019-11-04T11:14:35","modified_gmt":"2019-11-04T19:14:35","slug":"i-cheated-on-a-school-exam-and-i-feel-terrible-how-can-i-get-past-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/world.edu\/i-cheated-on-a-school-exam-and-i-feel-terrible-how-can-i-get-past-this\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I cheated on a school exam and I feel terrible. How can I get past this?\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"
\nYou\u2019re not the only person who has done something you wish you hadn\u2019t. By the time we reach adulthood most, if not all, of us have. People\u00a0cheat, lie, hurt others<\/a>, or fail. It\u2019s part of the human condition.<\/p>\n

Many people have cheated in exams. For example, nearly\u00a030% of university students<\/a>\u00a0who responded to a 2012 UK survey agreed they had \u201csubmitted work taken wholly from an internet source\u201d as their own.<\/p>\n

These mistakes don\u2019t have to define us. If we work through them in a healthy way, mistakes can help shape who we are, what we care about, and how we treat others.<\/p>\n

At the time, mistakes can be painful. It can seem to be this huge thing, occupying lots of our thoughts, impacting how we see ourselves and making it feel like everyone else will be focused on this failure forever.<\/p>\n

But think of someone you know who has made a mistake. Do you spend all your time thinking about that person\u2019s failure \u2013 is that failure all the person is to you? Probably not. Humans spend most of their time thinking about\u00a0themselves<\/em>, and humans have lots of ways of reconciling, forgiving and forgetting.<\/p>\n

So why does our brain make us feel like it\u2019s the end of the world when\u00a0we<\/em>\u00a0fail?<\/p>\n

Blame our brains<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Humans are a group species. Our\u00a0brains have evolved<\/a>\u00a0to pay attention to when people might exclude or judge us for being a bad or inappropriate group member.<\/p>\n

When we do something wrong, our feelings act like an alert signal; a red flashing yucky feeling telling us there is a problem. These guilty feelings can be especially bad if we think about our mistake in certain ways. Thoughts like:
\n\u201cThis is going to affect how\u00a0everyone<\/strong>\u00a0sees me!\u201d<\/em>
\nor
\n\u201cPeople are\u00a0never<\/strong>\u00a0going to trust me again!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Blowing up the negative consequences in your mind, predicting the future in a negative way, or rehearsing how bad a person you are, are types of thinking that can send that red alert into overdrive.<\/p>\n

Another way we keep the red alert on is if we avoid the issue and don\u2019t take time to work through what happened. Research\u00a0shows avoiding things<\/a>\u00a0that make us feel shame can actually just make us feel worse.<\/p>\n

Instead, you can learn to\u00a0forgive yourself<\/a>. Start by taking responsibility \u2013 rather than trying to explain it away or avoid it, own up to it and say to yourself \u201cyep, I did that\u201d.<\/p>\n

Then, you need to\u00a0work through what happened<\/a>. Research shows\u00a0reaffirming our values<\/a>\u00a0is one of the most effective ways of working through our wrongdoing and forgiving ourselves.<\/p>\n

Forgive yourself. Here\u2019s how<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Reaffirm your values<\/strong><\/p>\n

Write a letter to yourself answering the following questions:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. What value have I broken in this situation? (Values are what character traits you find important. These could be generosity, fairness or authenticity. If you have trouble identifying your values,\u00a0this can help<\/a>.)<\/li>\n
  2. Why is that value important to me?<\/li>\n
  3. What is a time in the past I have acted in a way that is consistent with that value?<\/li>\n
  4. What would it mean to act consistent with that value over the next day, week and month? (This may include confessing to someone, an apology or a commitment to do it right next time.)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Write three ideas of what you could do, and plan to do one of them this week. Remind yourself of these values and your commitment to them whenever you feel guilty.<\/p>\n

    Accept your emotions as feelings, not facts<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Emotions are part of the way our body responds to a situation. But they are not perfect. They are like a torch in a dark room, focusing our attention on a small part of the room, but missing other things.<\/p>\n

    Write a thought diary of your feelings and thoughts. Then go back over what you have written and\u00a0think<\/a>:<\/p>\n

    Is this really the full picture of what is happening, or am I keeping my alert button on by practising unhelpful thinking?<\/em><\/p>\n

    Remember you\u2019re a human<\/strong><\/p>\n

    When we fail, we sometimes hold ourselves up against perfect standards. But we are human, which means we don\u2019t always have perfect knowledge of the future, control of our own feelings, or wisdom about how to act in the moment.<\/p>\n

    Instead of beating yourself up about what you could or should have done, acknowledge you are not perfect \u2013 then choose to pursue your values moving forward.<\/p>\n

    Talk it out with others<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Often we keep our failures private. But since our brain is monitoring for risk of rejection, it stays active in case others find out or are already judging us because they know.<\/p>\n

    Talking it out with others can help because we have also\u00a0evolved a sense of compassion<\/a>\u00a0and can often be kinder to others than to ourselves.<\/p>\n

    Seek help<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Underlying depression or other health or mental-health issues may be making our feelings of guilt, regret, shame, fear or embarrassment worse. If your feelings don\u2019t change (especially if they continue for two weeks or more) then it is probably a good idea to chat to a psychologist, counsellor or your doctor.<\/p>\n

    Author Bio:<\/strong> Lydia Woodyatt is a Senior Lecturer, College of Education, Psychology and Social Work at Flinders University<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    You\u2019re not the only person who has done something you wish you hadn\u2019t. By the time we reach adulthood most, if not all, of us have. People\u00a0cheat, lie, hurt others, or fail. It\u2019s part of the human condition. Many people have cheated in exams. For example, nearly\u00a030% of university students\u00a0who responded to a 2012 UK […]\n… learn more→<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":50005,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15645],"tags":[136891],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-50004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","tag-guilt"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u2018I cheated on a school exam and I feel terrible. 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